How to Safely Tie Up your Lover

If someone whispered the term BDSM into your ear, what would you think of?

Immediately the mind floods with thoughts of pain and pleasure, scenes of being bound or restrained by jute ropes, silken scarves or various other restraints thanks to a Mr Grey and his fifty shades. And that‘s the beauty of bondage. Its all-encompassing range.

Indulging in a bit of tieing-up, blindfolding and teasing with your partner is just one way to make your sex life that bit kinkier and it can be as light and sensual, or as hard and erotic as you and your partner choose.

Yes, there’s no need to be bashful. When it comes to bondage there’s a whole range of experiences ranging from the slightly risque romantic side to more extreme passionate power play. So whether it’s your first time or you’re more experienced and know your hogties from your boxties, bondage can be explored in many ways beyond just basic bed restraints.

It can be reinvented, reimaged, experimented with and explored time and again, providing new thrills and experiences as you desire. Bondage can accommodate many sex positions, and being limited or restrained in this way, will in fact, probably mean you have to get a bit more creative in the position department. It’s not purely about fetishes and kinks and it has a place outside of penetrative sex, so no, you don’t have to be spread eagle and living out a Fifty Shades of Grey scene (unless you so wish). As a matter of fact, it can add a great deal of excitement and novelty to oral sex and can even centre around anything from a good hard spanking to a goosebump-inducing tickle.

Whether using soft satin ties, padded cuffs, or bondage rope to be tied up, there are five checks in our tutorial that you should always perform when treading the thrilling terrain of restraint. Doing each of these will make sure you both feel the benefit in your sex life while staying safe and comfortable.

#1 The Two-Finger Rule

This might be different from the two-finger rule you’re thinking of ...

In essence, restraints should never be secured too tightly around your partner’s wrists, ankles, or any other body part. A good rule of thumb (or finger), is that you should still be able to slip two fingers between the restraint and your partner’s skin. If you’re unable to do this, it’s likely that the binding is too tight — so you risk cutting off circulation.

#2 Check for Pins and Needles

One clear sign that things are a little too restrictive is pins and needles, which can occur when you cut off circulation in an area of the body. Sex is all about communication and bondage is no different. Pins and needles are the body’s way of communicating that certain nerves aren’t getting enough blood, and they act as a danger warning. Overtight restraints or being static in a single position can cause this. What’s more, the risk of prolonged pins and needles, or losing sensation completely (like when your legs go to sleep from sitting on them too long), may result in nerve damage. And we know you wouldn‘t want to reduce the sensitivity of your nerve endings now, would you...

It’s important that Dominant and submissive communicate throughout BDSM play. Ask how one another is feeling and check that fingertips, toes or limbs aren’t cold to the touch. At this point, if they are, then loosen off bindings, or change the position to ensure comfort or at least regular circulation again.

#3 Knots Get Tighter

Wriggling, writhing and pulling against restraints may arise as a result of stimulation, or because it adds to the fantasy roleplay scene/ it’s very very sexy. Watching someone wriggle against their restraints is wonderful, but you need to be aware of how it can change the physical feeling of their restraints.

All that movement causes extra tension, making knots tighter than you originally tied them. A fastening at the start of the session, may not be the same by the end so again, communication between you both is key. When using silk ties, bondage rope, or tape, keep checking knots and the tightness of the binds against the skin. Repeat the two-finger rule and if the bindings have tightened, loosen them off.

#4 Keep a Pair of Safety Scissors Nearby

Sometimes undoing the knots in your web of bondage may prove fiddly or time-consuming. If this is the case, and time is of the essence, cut your sub free instead. Do this using a pair of blunt-ended safety scissors, like the type you find in first aid kits. These can be bought fairly easily from most high-street chemists and are reassuring to have on hand.

#5 Stick Together and Have a Safe Word

Once someone’s restrained, they are somewhat vulnerable and shouldn’t be left unsupervised. Not at any point. Should they need to get out of their binds, you need to be close enough to notice any discomfort and able to act swiftly, untieing the restraints.

Like with lots of BDSM play, experimenting with bondage in a consensual, communicative and safe manner can be a doorway to fun, thrilling and fantasised play that leads the way to greater trust and intimacy. It could, quite literally, provide a greater erotic bonding experience.

Avoid Getting in a Bind when Choosing your Restraints

Don’t get it twisted, knowing what restraints to use if you’re a bondage beginner can be quite confusing, but there’s no need to get yourself all tied up in knots about it.

So you're a newbie? Should you go for affordable and sturdy metal handcuffs, velcro or rope play gear? Or slip into seductive satin ties and scarves? But that means practising your knots. Or maybe you’re more experienced but fancy using rope bondage and tieing your own knots instead of using kinky cuffs?

Whatever stage you’re at, we’re happy to answer your questions here at Harmony, providing the thrilling details on cuffs, ropes and tapes to suit all levels and styles of bondage play. You can also view our range of sex toys for bondage and other sex toys that can be used during bondage play such as vibrators, male strokers and so much more.