Speak their Love Language and Improve Intimacy Tenfold

You could be forgiven for thinking that intimacy is all about slipping into your birthday suit and making the beast with two backs. But it turns out there’s actually quite a lot more to it...

For many, sex and intimacy are terms used interchangeably. But thinking the two are exactly the same could limit the sense of closeness and connection you experience in your relationship(s).

In this post, we explore ways you can build intimacy in your relationship by tapping into your partner’s love language and satisfying all of their needs (not just the ones that involve ripping each other clothes off).

At certain points in life, sex is just off the cards. For whatever reason: distance, a change in lifestyle, poor mental health, childbirth or maybe it’s just a dwindling spark. In these times, you may have to satisfy yourself when it comes to your sex life. That said, there’s always space for intimacy in your relationship(s).

When you experience a sense of distance this is the time to turn in toward your partner and satisfy their bids for your attention with intimacy. We think understanding your lover’s love language is a fabulous way to do this and reconnect!

In essence, intimacy is a feeling of closeness, togetherness and connection. And we humans seem to have an innate yearning for it. We crave intimacy. And it’s completely natural! As we’re such a social bunch, close relationships strengthen our emotional health and well-being, not to mention intimacy is a fundamental building block for healthy relationships.
Of course, just as relationships differ from one another, acts of intimacy will vary depending on the needs of you and your partner but the key components remain the same: trust, understanding, vulnerability and honesty.

It’s vital to remember that sexual intimacy is just one piece of the puzzle when it comes to romantic relationships. Other forms of intimacy include emotional intimacy and intellectual intimacy but as you may have guessed, sex falls under the banner of physical intimacy.

Did you know that the different types of intimacy are all somewhat interconnected? For example, if you’re looking to increase physical intimacy then guess where the best place to start is?
Spoiler alert, the answer does not involve rose petals or salaciously lying on the bed in your underwear.

Nope, it starts with your emotional connection and emotional intimacy. In practice, this means you and your partner understand your needs and communicate them lovingly and respectfully.
Another key point to remember is, as they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Similarly, building intimacy takes time and it can fluctuate as your relationship grows and evolves.

We’ll cut to the chase now. We think learning your partner’s love language is one of the most romantic and intimacy-fostering acts you could pull out of the bag. Thanks to the wonders of the web, you can now easily complete a test and discover your love language in only a few minutes.

This one is all about verbal expression, so not a time to be lost for words.

If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation then it’s time to get real vocal about what you adore about them.

Investing in improving your communication is a fabulous way to foster intimacy and there are so many delicious ways to do it. From compliments and questions to whispering sweet nothings in their ear and downright filthy pillow talk. Learn what ticks the box for your significant other and shower them with all the words. Also, these words of affirmation don’t have to be spoken but can be just as meaningful (if not more so) when written down. Fancy yourself as a bit of a poet? Put pen to paper and woo your lover with words or make them melt with a romantic love letter.

Speaking the love language of quality time means putting your partner at the top of your priority list.

The secret ingredient here is intentionally carving out time for your partner and giving them your undivided attention! And yes, that means no phones.
We think the best way to share quality time is to introduce novelty, play and adventure into your relationship! Try doing something new and exciting together and get out of your comfort zone. This doesn’t have to be sexual (but of course it absolutely can be).

Spending time together is fab for reconnecting and building intimacy as you can learn so much about each other from your shared experiences. Even if you’ve been together for a lifetime and think you know each other inside out, trying something new together and seeing your partner in a more adventurous light could spark greater intimacy. Why not try a pottery, painting or dance class, go to a gig or make them melt by organising a date night?

For these folks, actions speak louder than words.
Acts of service sometimes get a bad rap. I mean sure, no one deserves a trophy for doing their share of the household chores without being prompted. Whilst it’s clear that sharing the load should be a given, acts of service mean a bit more than that. We’re talking thoughtful gestures that involve your time and effort, really going the extra mile.

Fundamentally acts of service that truly build intimacy involve putting your significant other first, thinking selflessly about how you can make their life easier and making your partner feel appreciated.

Do something you know they would absolutely love you to do. It could be something as simple and practical (and lovely) as cooking them their favourite meal. Or it could look like putting effort into romance. The name of the game here is surprise and spontaneity, take the reins from your significant other and prioritise their preferences.

Although at first, this one might appear a little materialistic, the beauty of exchanging gifts to increase intimacy is really in the thought behind the gesture.

Treating them to the occasional bunch of their favourite flowers for instance shows your partner you know them well and that you think of them during your alone time.
Importantly, these don’t have to be expensive gifts or hugely romantic gestures. Sweet and thoughtful little gifts here and there do wonders for fostering an intimate relationship.
Slip their favourite snack into their bag when they’re not looking, make them a playlist, buy them some sexy lingerie or treat them to a weekend away! You know them best, and that’s what you should be getting across with your gift-giving.

Last but certainly not least, we have the physical touch!

Here, the key is curiosity. And my word is it sexy.
That said, this one isn’t just about jumping each other’s bones. Building intimacy and expressing your love through physical touch doesn’t have to lead to sex.
In fact, if you and your sweetie aren’t having sex for whatever reason, this could be a marvellous time to explore physical touch less sexually. Gestures and public displays of affection (PDA) like holding hands, a little back rub, and sitting closely so you can be skin-to-skin can be super meaningful expressions of love.

And the best bit is there’s even some science behind why we love physical touch so very much!
Physical affection, for example, cuddling, has health benefits for us and releases oxytocin - commonly referred to as the feel-good hormone. So next time you’re craving that fuzzy feeling, you know what to do!

If you or your partner crave physical touch as a love language, it’s easy for the mind to wander to sexual desire. Physical connection through sex is a hugely important part of a relationship for many of us and shouldn’t be neglected.

Giving your lover an orgasm is an absolute joy and surely ticks the box of physical touch but again, why not get curious and creative with it?

Try introducing a spot of massage oil and get your hands literally allllll over your significant other. Or maybe suggest a new handsy sex position that involves a lot of skin on skin. Whichever way you choose to go about it, feed that curiosity to explore your partner’s body and learn exactly what makes their spine tingle.

Of course with all forms of physical contact, communication and consent are essential so make sure you’re checking in to see if your partner’s comfortable with the ways you’re expressing your affection for them.

Hopefully, this post has given you some ideas for satisfying your partner’s needs with love languages and improving intimacy! For more advice, check out our other blog posts!